You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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