Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
