ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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