i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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