my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
