Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
