As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
