this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
