Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
