Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
