Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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