my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
