Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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