Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He shit in the fireplace
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
