Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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