At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dignity is for republicans.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
