Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize