he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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