: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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