Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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