Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
