I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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