Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They took my balls.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
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