I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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