I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
