That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
