omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You may now shotgun with the bride
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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