I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
