Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
