1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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