I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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