Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
