My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
