like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
