just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
