I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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