i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
