I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
