she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
