Well apparently he's into motor boating.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
