i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
