Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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