Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
