If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
