When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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