I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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