Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We had sex on a dog bed..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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