At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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