One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
