drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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