i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
